Friends, Fronds, PHrends

 

It’s easier to encounter a comet than have real friends. I have been so emotionally exploited that I feel almost people used me as an emotional prostitute (emostitute) and it was mostly people of my own sex and even people of the other sex too. They hardly ever tell me what they are going through. Even the telepath needs to listen in to the thoughts closely and engage in conversation. These people thought of me as this crude PH strip (stripper pun intended) that will unconsciously, like some bladder wizard, know exactly when they need an emotional pissing and expect me to put up with it. Why? You guys can have meltdowns, get angry if I say something wrong but I can’t? I am not your ideologue of perfect please, well maybe, not all the time. Sometimes I mess up really badly and I apologize or after a while but I don’t intend to do irreparable damage. That is not my modus operandi. But people expect you to be perfect in a really plastic bag suffocating way. People only give you time when they deem it fit and expect you to play subordinate to that. Why? When I cry or feel sad about these things nobody comes up easily and says “Hey, let me wipe my tears.” I have crushes tell to my face that they won’t date me but try to act so normally but then act really abnormally and expect you to go with that flow when a meeting happens. I have had crushes partners act out on me just because they know I had a crush on their partner even though I hardly come near their partner. Why?

People ignore me or talk to me for the strangest reasons. They take long periods of absences to just try to be themselves without sharing anything with me. Then come back and get angry or cry over anything I say or do wrong.  It’s not fair if the other person tales advantage of peripheral factors and acts ways that are silly and then just ignore me. Why should I be kept in the dark or light of some anger or hate or sadness you have? Talking through things hardly registers to these people. Avoidant culture is more prominent than engaging culture on both micro macro levels and I am sick of being the “odd one out” unfairly pushed to the side of you because of the ego of the world.

I think I prefer some alone time now.